dipdipjenks
Weenie hut jrs
starting a collection. pierre talking to natasha in war and peace
additions
(via tyleroakley)
Honestly there’s really something to be said about being the fun girl
The sexy girl
The one who got boobs before everyone else
The girl who was fat and invisible before she became a woman
I was the biggest girl in my class at one point, and I wasn’t even that big
But I was a girl, so that was more than enough to ridicule me into oblivion
Not only was I the fat girl, I was the one who’s parents never showed up, the one that smelled like cigarettes
The one who could never fit in, the loud annoying one that couldn’t let things be as they were
I had so much anger, so much guilt, fear
The world has treated me so poorly, life has been so hard
Why could things not be easy for me like they are everyone else? Why did i have to pull the shortest stick to get beat with?
Is a life full of misery and pain really worth living?
Why couldn’t I be happy being like everyone else? Why does society mercilessly torture anyone who is different?
Why did i have to get boobs before anyone else?
Why am I not seen as a person? Just as meat?
Would any of the answers to my questions really matter?
Would it change the fact that on the rare occasion I do get to meet his mother she would actually like me this time?
Would it stop men from putting me into the same box of being a useless fuck doll with no brain, purpose, or past?
Or should I give into the the alternative and just have a man mutilate my being, but with a tasteful sepia tone filter placed on top?
I fucking hate this
I fucking hate the life that I’m leading
Because no matter how much I work and try to climb out of the filthy rotted hole I was weened in, I’m still going to be miserable
What is it that I have to change to finally be treated well? What am I doing wrong?
Do I cut my chest? Because simply being born with big breasts makes me a slut?
Do I give up any taste of the things that I love so people will finally respect me?
I have no fucking idea man
I am walking on a tight rope
one breath one word one I fall I loose everything
I think of you every minute of every day.
I think of you with every still moment, every love song, every time my heart beats.
Even when my hands are occupied you are in my mind.
You are a dull tooth ache, flaring when I have something sweet and cold.
But isn’t that how you always were?
S- I think of you every moment of everyday. You are in the back of my mind even when I’m doing everything in my power to shove you out.
I am in love with you… I am in LOVE with you.
Never in my life did i believe in soulmates before I met you.
I know what you want even when you don’t, and you know how to say exactly what I need to hear.
We could be end game, we could be it, you wouldn’t have to go out again and again just to have your heart broken.
There is no one in this world that would love you as much as I could.
I love like a bear, quiet at times, but always ready to prove myself in the most ferocious of ways.
I am what you need but you just won’t take it.
You can go out and explore and find someone better than me but none of them will be as strong as me.
None of them will love you as strongly as I do.
I know that I cannot breathe as I reach for the albuterol
Perhaps this time the aerosol particulates will take the place you had in my lungs
I did not hear the lock click the night I left.
I hope it is because you still wait for me to come,
yet I know I cannot turn back
I lost my best friend and my boyfriend within 2 weeks of each other. I feel sick, nauseated, because I have to see their faces much more than I should
A bi-weekly reminder of my heart being torn in two. My being spilt. My life silenced.
God I wish I could go back
I wish I could go back to the months when things were simple. They were bad, but they were simple.
If I had known that would have been the last day you came to my apartment I would have cleaned up.
If I had known that would have been our last kiss I would have held it longer.
Will this pit ever leave my stomach?
Or will I be forced to swallow my bile for the next year?
What is it about her that I don’t have?
I know she’s skinnier than me but I know even more she is not prettier than me.
Is she more exotic? More of a mystery? A lost soul draped with Parisian art?
Is that why her tooth brush is still in your mirror?
Why the letter she wrote you is still in your wallet?
Did she have better tattoos?
Did she let you fuck her from behind?
What the actual living hell makes her so different from me?
Why am I not enough for you?
Why do I even care?
Why the hell do I even care about you so much?
I fucking hate you. I hate everything you’ve made me become
You are a cruel man indeed
You kiss my palms and whisper into my ear the lies that you must tell yourself in order to keep my touch
When a Marlboro gold smells like home
Starring out the window silently
“I’ve talked to enough people today”
You learn to stop telling him how your day was, a simple “it was fine” is more than enough information
Your stomach growls as you pass the shop you’ve asked to go to a million times
“Not today” was always code for stop fucking asking already idiot, it’s never going to happen
At least when you’re home you can rest
Hiding in the basement
You’re somehow desperate for silence and conversation at the same time
A result of the ever pressing silence interrupted by the bouts of screaming
A Marlboro gold smells like home
The kind of scent you want to inhale so deeply your ribs ache
It’s comforting, like pressing into a freshly formed bruise
The pain grounds you, reminds you you’re here
You so desperately scream “IM HERE! IM HERE! JESUS CHRIST IM HERE!! Please god someone realize I am here”
You are here
You smell a Marlboro golf cigarette
You are the little girl who reeks of cigarettes and neglect
Wearing yesterdays clothes, not out of necessity, it’s just that no one bothered to check
Stomach always rumbling greedily
You have no lunch, again not out of necessity, it’s just that no one bothered to check
At least when you eat you can be full of something
A break in the steady nothingness that surrounds you
Food can be your companion, you’ll never eat alone
until it becomes your foe
You smoke a Marlboro gold cigarette
And it feels like home